Surviving the Season
Surviving the Holidays
When the holiday season arrives, a shift happens in my therapy office. My clients start to become more worried, anxious, and nervous about the holidays. The frenzy regarding schedules, gifts, and managing visits take the forefront. How will it all go? Will I get everything done in time? I haven’t seen my brother since last year, will it be awkward?
While the holidays can be a time of joy, relaxation, and tradition, those very traditions can lead to anxiety. In addition, complicated relationships, family dynamics, and expectations may interfere with our ability to enjoy the season.
Just as we spend time preparing for the details of the holiday, we need to prepare ourselves emotionally, too.
Make a plan:
1. Take a few minutes to think about holidays from the past. Are you happy with how things went? Would you like anything to change? Be different? Try to be as specific as possible.
2. Try to focus on how you typically feel during the holidays. Do you enjoy being around large groups? Does something about your family bother you?
3. Remove your attachment to tradition. It’s okay to do things differently this year if “the way we’ve always done it” makes you feel uncomfortable, ends in conflict, or just doesn't feel good.
4. Change the pattern. If your dad drinks too much and starts to be mean spirited while waiting for dinner to be ready, wait to go over to his house until closer to the meal. If you kids reach their breaking point at 9:00, start to misbehave or cry, then your family offers feedback about your parenting, leave at 8:30. Remove yourself from the situation before it escalates.
5. Let it go. Let go of the idea of perfect: the table has to be perfectly set, the entire family together, the meal perfect, the perfect outfit, the kids on their best behavior...remember why you are together in the first place and focus on being together.
Prepare yourself for potential conflict by knowing it is likely to happen. Have perspective. This can be a difficult time for many and for different reasons.
Practice acceptance and patience. Look for the pleasant moments, it can be difficult but they are there.
Be kind to yourself and others. It's a stressful season, but one you have managed before.