Your inner critic
Our inner critic is the voice that lives in our head. It’s the first voice that appears whenever we face a difficult situation, the one that calls us names or tells us we can’t handle the situation. It’s the first one to blame us when something goes wrong. And while it’s been there since we were young, so constant that we think it’s just a part of who we are, it doesn't have to be. There is a better way.
Step 1: Realize
The first step in defeating our inner critic is to start observing it - when does it show up? How often? How does it sound? Does it sound like anyone you know? Recognizing when and how often your inner voice appears can help you start to understand you have a choice: accept it or change it.
Step 2: Reject
Once you begin to become aware of your inner critic, create some space between the thought and your belief of it. Ask yourself questions before just accepting the automatic thought as fact, “Is this helpful or harmful?” Remember that you decide what you allow into your mind. Is the inner critic offering you support? If not, reject it. Tell yourself, “I do not accept this thought” and let it go. Visualize yourself drawing an x through the thought or hitting delete and it disappears.
Step 3: Reframe
The key is to acknowledge that the inner critic is there and rather than ignore it, challenge it and then reframe it. Shape it into the voice you need to hear, a supportive, understanding one. “You made a mistake, you’re so stupid” can become, “I learned what NOT to do. I need to try something else.”
When you continue to accept the messages from the inner critic as fact or feel powerless to change them, depression and anxiety can arise. You begin to see everything with a critical lens, leading to self-doubt, lower self-esteem, and hopelessness.
Step 4:
Changing your inner critic takes time and energy. Shaping that voice into a more positive, supportive one is not easy, but it is possible. Stay consistent and keep working at it, and eventually, your brain will begin to realize where you are placing your energy. Then your inner critic can be replaced by your inner cheerleader.