Learning to Love Yourself - 5 Ways to Improve Self-Esteem
The relationship between low self-esteem and mental health has been understood for years. The concept of low self-esteem was almost a rite of passage during adolescence and frequently dismissed as a phase. In today’s world, however, research has shown a dramatic increase in low self-esteem and it doesn’t discriminate by age or gender anymore.
Our self-esteem develops when we are young. It’s shaped by how we view our environment, the types of positive and critical voices we hear, our successes and failures in the world. Low self-esteem has to do with how we feel about ourselves. Simply put, how much do you like yourself? Our level of self-esteem is revealed during our inner dialogue: our doubts, judgements, comparisons, and automatic, critical thoughts. It can be affected by financial status, our relationships, and the media. Often we don’t realize how impactful our inner voice is in contributing to how we feel, and think of self-esteem as a self-confidence issue when we are around others.
In order to change how you feel about yourself, you have to change how you look at yourself. And, although the toxic positivity messages suggest it is easy to increase your self-esteem by just choosing to love yourself, it’s not that easy. Changing your self-esteem takes consistent work.
Here are five ways you can increase your self-esteem:
Quit comparing. Have Perspective - how often do you judge yourself in relation to what others are doing? Remember that no one is perfect and no one makes it through life without struggles. Normalize difficult moments. It’s okay if you struggle, we aren’t given a manual. You can handle challenging situations - reflect upon times that you have overcome something really hard. Take note of the things that you do rather than the things that you don’t.
Reduce and Replace social media use with activities you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself. Excessive social media usage has been shown to decrease self-esteem and increase anxiety and depression. We compare ourselves to others, disregarding the fact that they may be using filters, professional photographers, etc. By finding a way to stay busy and feel as though we are contributing to our physical/mental health, our family, or community, we can move away from mindless scrolling. More purposeful and productive choices can increase our self-esteem, especially when we finish a project or reach a goal.
Change your inner voice. With low self esteem, our internal thoughts tend to be negative and critical. Start to notice what your inner critic sounds like, give it a name, and learn to talk back. Remember, thoughts are not always true and you can choose what you want to focus on. Offer yourself alternative solutions. Reframe that critical voice into a more supportive one. Did you make a mistake? Well, instead of, “I’m so stupid,” how about saying, “I learned what not to do.”
Affirmations. Research has shown that affirmations can be powerful - think of how easily you believe critical ones of yourself. Instead, try to choose a phrase or two that you want to believe about yourself. Write it down on a piece of paper and keep it in your pocket, or note it on your phone. When saying it, try to tap into the feeling of the affirmation, imagine what your life would be like if this were to be true. Practice is important here so set a timer on your phone if you need help remembering throughout the day.
Gratitude. At the end of the day, start reflecting on all the positive moments you had. What went well for you? Write them down or share with others. By choosing to focus on the accomplishments, your brain will start to search for more positive moments throughout the day, rather than the negative.
Changing your self-esteem requires a lot of effort. Many people turn to external factors such as relationships, material items, and activities to increase self-esteem, but the results are fleeting. Changing self-esteem is a lot of work and no one can do it for you, the work has to come from within. But learning to know and like yourself is the ultimate reward.