It’s not you, it’s them

Getting stood up can result in a number of emotions. While it can be disappointing and embarrassing, it is important not to take the act of getting stood up personally.

In most situations, the reason why someone did not show up to meet with you may have nothing to do with you.

Having a date not show could be a reflection on how ready they are to engage in a relationship. Perhaps they are experiencing fear or concern about getting too close to someone or realize that it’s just too soon to date if they just experienced a bad break up.

Try to keep past experiences separate from current dating practices. In addition, the experience of getting stood up can lead us back to the past. We may draw upon past perceived dating failures experiences and feel rejected all over again. We may lose hope and think that we’re never going to find someone.

This kind of internal dialogue is not helpful or accurate. Our perception of our past relationships and who we are or not relevant to who we may be in the future and who a new dating partner may be.

It is always helpful to add a little bit of perspective in these situations.

The fact that someone did not show when they said they were going to, speaks to their level of honesty, openness, and maturity. In this situation, it may be helpful to realize that perhaps they are not the person that you would want to be with anyway. Meaning, it’s better you find out what kind of person they are before you get too involved. Not showing up for a schedule date is rude and disrespectful. Is that someone you really want in your life?

And, don’t forget they don’t even know you well enough for it to be personal.

So the next time you get stood up, I encourage you to shift your thinking from, “What’s wrong with me?” to “I’m glad I didn’t waste my time with them.”

Natalie Bernstein

Dr. Natalie is a licensed psychologist who provides individual, couples, and family therapy in over 35 states. In addition, she performs child custody evaluations and is an adjunct psychology professor.

https://www.drnataliebernstein.com
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